Insane and the story of Ceko the real seko

sighs....i hung out with my mom all morning and we went shopping. It was OK at first but then when i started noticing the increase of couples and PDA i became upset but not about them about my self and how miserable am still am. I think about all the times i had struggle and dealt with emotional pain. I felt back then it was perfect that i kept my emotions in and plans for the later future.I started to hate the ideal of a relationship because i saw it now as a drug of estasy and happiness that is temporary. You become addicted and want more but when the end comes you crash and you fall in the pit of pity, self hate and the ideal of wanting to try new drugs for your benefit and being use. You could say am like that but now i hate the feeling of the end and taking a new drug only made me sick and scared of going bcak in to that life style of satisfaction and happiness just to be taken away again. I still cry because i realize i can't get that same exact rush and that drug will find a new owner to be addicted to. A Crave i can't ingorne.

I also remember back then I was a dreamer but not the dreaming you would think. While you dream about gaining life's stability , or the person you want or maybe that aspirating life then any of you guys wanted i was dreaming of my own world. A hero who fought all challenges whether it was far and close but there was more it wasn't just fighting she had she had a normal life each year doing school meeting new people and getting what she always wanted and enjoying the stuff she does or train for more strength. But i though maybe she had it to good and so i would base my failures in her life. She became upset with me for taking away the easy pass but she learn to deal with it. She been in a relationship lets see.... she been in it for about 5 years. I was happy for her more envious but happy since i based her off me in my way. But slowly my reality creep in and i lost control of how her life is to be. She no longer was that powerful heroine but a girl who had powers that develop along with her own mind. She had a shadow it was alive living behind her and in the mirror. she was scared but embrace it. It devour her and i thought it was the end and my dreams along with it( that time i was entering a new chapter or grade). But i was wrong she came back i was happy i never thought my dreams could affect me emotionally. When the day i got jumped in middle school i stayed strong even though i lost. I wasn't scared having hits thrown at me all i was thinking was my dream world she was having her battle too and was feeling like giving up. I told her no and so she fought back but i didnt. Then later on she met a fellow she fell in love with his name was hiei jangish she fell in love but kept her distance since he was a beast of darkness and not of good and they only met once but that was it. She live in a home of 7 people there persona match of my friends in the real life. I grew accustom to day dreaming 24/7 while balancing my mind with social life. I realize i had some sort of control of the world and in my head it was like watching a show. i decide since i can make her emotions i will sync it with mines no matter the situation. Her relationship develop and end just like mines. I forget why she does it to her self to go back on that roller coaster when there was to be a end. But back then i didn't get i would would go in to relationship i had no care in but for someones benefit. Then one day she fell in love with a fellow friend and so did I but i was scared for her i try to warn her that you will just end what you love. So she took my warning and decide it was safe to forget that emotions and hide it. we knew that a friendship is longer lasting then with a friend as a partner we thought. Both me and her grew the love to make other happy and help them at all cost. We never knew that it would come with a price. Soon her friends that she thought she trusted betray her and made her happiness her weakness. She would let them take advantage of her power just so she can keep that bond she so faithfully loved. then hiei came and saved her when path was cross again. She did'nt understand why someone of dark origin would help a natural enemy of light. he diddnt care he knew that he was attracted and interested that she was so different. His alies question him and thought it maybe just a brilliant plan to get close and use her for personal benfits. And so he made them believe that just to be close to her and not lose what his pride has so fight for and it was respect and strength. her friends warn her that she risking to much and she still have lot to learn. But like her she became interested and diddnt listen to the advice. weeks past and she would sneak to his layer and open up as much as she did and have sexual encounters that open horizons , she had fear of there differences at first but she didnt let it get to her to stop her from feeling that pleasure. I can't really say what he was thinking or doing because he a intruder of my world, a character i never created or know and i knew i had no control over him so he remain this person who captivated my character and half....i'll stop for now that i will say is the end of part one. I realize i got off topic but that was because i was dreaming again, back in to that beautiful world i miss and lost when i lost. It scared me to read this because i feel i some how mimic my world with the real ones. And now i wonder how will part two come out in the way i did or in its own destiny that i had hope in.

Green me Addicted and Dreaming!!!