random pictures

I feel Like Shit

i dont know how to write it,
how to describe it
it is what i mean but not how you think.
Am sorry to any one who i may offend,
break down or plain wrong blasted.
i cant seem to hold back on my emotions or release my mind.
i dont have that power or will to go on
i want to run , to go to the farest end and scream at the top of my lungs,
i want to to drink and feel that waves of emotions mellow and mix together
my mind slowly calming and my mouth letting any words come out,
i want to be in a fortress of solitude like superman, only i knw where it is and no one can ever reach there
i want to push my body to the limit and let it collasp for oxygen
and the sweat cool me down and my brain throbbing and heat takes over my body
i want the music so loud that everything drawns out and only the lyrics speak to me and the beat of the music move me to my dreams
i want to cry in the shower like i always do and feel that wave of relief
i want to laugh , and forget who i was for a second
....but i can't always have what i want just something to settle for,
you know?

Doll house- a friend sent this to me

lyrics- Priscilla Renea - "Dollhouse"

I’m just a girl, you’re just a boy
This is my heart, it’s not a toy
So what’s with you playing with my mind
We used to be cool, this used to be love
Now it’s become, something like a job
Like it or not, maybe things were changing right before our eyes

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of barbie
but that just ain’t me

Cause I ain’t a doll, this aint a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

You call the shots, right down to my shoes
I liked what you liked cause you told me to
And i don’t think that you could even tell
I fell out of love, but it never showed
I gave up on us so long ago
But you’ll never know
baby don’t pretend like you know me so well

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
try to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this aint a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

I’ll never be made of plastic
So glad that my heart’s elastic
No matter what you do
I’ll bounce back offa you
Cut me but I’m not bleeding

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
tryna to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this aint a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No I could never be, stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls, I ain’t a doll

And I come with imperfections
Epitome of perfection
if you can’t understand, loving the way I am
then you’re no good for me, so glad i kept my receipt

thanks girl but you silly for sending me this jeez making me want to rewind damn you!

I Hate you Chyrstal, your a bitch

Chrystal______ is available (1:52:08 AM)
I...Memorize your special code I can get it anytime I want....Cant Nobody do it better,and you no it,you do,Cant nobody get it wetter Say you Know it,It's true..\Sex With My Ex-Ne-Yo(thats for you Niqua,lol)
Chrystal______ (1:52:34 AM): wwwooooww
Chrystal______ (1:52:38 AM): transfer of emotion
Chrystal______ (1:52:57 AM): now i bet u would feel guiltiy if u said something to him
Cekococo (1:55:20 AM): yea
Chrystal______ (1:55:44 AM): well that game is good but it isnt the best,lol
Chrystal______ (1:55:51 AM): isnt that girl there right now?
Cekococo (1:55:56 AM): did you i knw i ahte ur status and holding ur scrunchy hostage
Chrystal______ (1:56:11 AM): OMG
Chrystal______ (1:56:17 AM): ...well im not changing it
Chrystal______ (1:56:23 AM): IM going IN nows,lol
Chrystal______ (1:56:33 AM): i well post the whole fuckin song,lol jk
Cekococo (1:57:21 AM): lol fucking bitch
Chrystal______ is away (1:59:15 AM)

I...memorize your special code I can get in anytime i want You...say i'm just a bit too bold Know you want it tell me you dont Girl what's your problem I think you know good and well Aint nobody strokin like me Girl i'm your problem Made you set t...

Chrystal______ (1:59:32 AM): nice to no u care
Chrystal______ (1:59:43 AM): but i dont fuck therefore that statement is false,lol
Cekococo (2:01:55 AM): omfg BITCH I fucking hate your status ur ass is mine on a platter to hang on a wall girl lol.


Auto-response: Chrystal______ is away (2:01:56 AM)
"I...memorize your special code
I can get in anytime i want
You...say i'm just a bit too bold
Know you want it tell me you dont
Girl what's your problem
I think you know good and well
Aint nobody strokin like me
Girl i'm your problem
Made you set that bar high as hell
I aint what you want but i'm what you need

Cant nobody do it better
And you know it, you do
Cant nodody get it wetter
Say you know it, it's true
Cuz i love sex with my ex...girlfriend
I...i luv...sex with my ex...girlfriend

I...really like the way you go
Beggin me to not kiss right there
Oh and you...suddenly just lose control
Beggin me to smack it and pull yo hair
Babe, understand you got a new man
(tellin me that your in love, okay)
Oh girl that's your thing
Long as you understand i get mine anytime
Night and through the day

Cant nobody do it better
And you know it, you do
Cant nodody get it wetter
Say you know it, it's true
Cuz i love sex with my ex...girlfriend
I...i luv...sex with my ex...girlfriend

Cant nobody do it like i do it and you know it
One thing that it's always goin be true is
Once mine always mine

And you know it, you do
Say you know it, it's true
I...i luv sex with my ex...girlfriend
I...luv sex with my ex...girlfriend"

Chrystal______ (2:03:16 AM): awww the love is beautiful,lol
Cekococo (2:04:14 AM): lol you mange to have me wantin to choke a bitch
Chrystal______ (2:05:16 AM): its scary how close the song relates to you,lol
Chrystal______ (2:08:34 AM): i made the things that were really close to you in bold...your welcome
Cekococo (2:13:24 AM): lol u bitch
Chrystal______ (2:13:51 AM): Dont worry you'll have your revenge tomorrow,lol



now as much as i love this girl she just being a real bitch right now. Aint this shit so wrong. lord forgiven my lanuage but she manage to push my green button. Now this medusa looking gaint had the nerve to think she could get away with it. but i love her to much so amma drop but have only last word to say " chrystal you get the winner award for knowing that spitters are quitters and you never give up with that mouth full of vitamin C" :) love you too bitch.

Part 2- after she saw this
Chystal_____(2:27:08 AM): U bastard child!!!
Cekococo (2:27:26 AM): i knw who my daddy and atleast he pays his child support
Chrystal_______ (2:27:37 AM): GASP
Chrystal_______ (2:27:40 AM): My one feelings
Chrystal_______ (2:27:44 AM): It hurted
Cekococo (2:28:18 AM): dnt worry girl we'll suffer together
Chrystal_______ (2:28:30 AM): *Sigh*Its true,lol
Cekococo (2:28:32 AM): lol
Cekococo (2:28:47 AM): am just fine with my revenge. ;)

How can you stop the bleeding?

Note- am menstruating and moody and i got upset from somethings i heard today

How can you stop the pain if it comes from your own "friend". It makes you a great friend to take a bullet for them but does it makes u the same taking a bullet from them?
you do it to your self and so am i. There so many terrible things i want to say but i wont cuz its not me so i soak in all that negativity and breath out the positively forgetting that the toxins stay in my body.

i feel torn between two emotions. trust and anger and i dont knw which comes first. i dont know how to tell you stop or to remember our agreement. I want to scream shut but i want to show that am here for you. I took it in just for the benefit of being a friend, a person to remain in your life. what the fuck am i doing. i should of listen to everybody,
and make u invisible but i couldnt do it , it hurted to much( you were my first) and then u kept pullin me in to your game( watch you catch a mouse)
and not care to see what your doing to me.

you don't censored your words on love and you tell and share me the things that i wouldnt want to know about the other sex. honestly i can say it is you that made your self the victim, the puppeteer and confuser.

you want to mess with their minds( innocent or not ) but you end up messing with mine leading in to the same trap. why use the excuse of the past to justify your actions now. why throw away whats was good for a painful trail you'll create. why let me believe in the first place and next test your game on me if your not gonna put in to it.

am not with that, i wont stay loyal, i can't allow it to happen. its uncalled for.
grow up and be a man not a person who destroy lives. I can't break that old bond i have and memories i love. it hurts when u dont care what happens.

what i look like now with my new cat ears yay

 

my desktop pic lol

 

me on labor day and after jouver't with cam and paris

 

paji jins creation hes a wonderful artist

Here's my friend thoyiu poems

A person whose heart lingers

A person, whose heart lingers
Like a soul lost from its path
It wonders on looking for a reason
A reason to love
A reason to finding a purpose
To see how far it will go
How much pain it can take
To see how much darkness it can handle
The dark chains is what keeps his light sealed from the inside
Yet he finds away to break free
When he finds another heart lingering
They go off together in this dark world they call home
Many chains try and hold them back, but they break free
Which makes their love stronger
With their light so strong it can blind the devil himself
As they walk hand and hand through the darkness with their light
And linger on together
Forevermore


2.Medley of Hate

My eyes begin to turn dark
With the rage of anger
My soul burns from the flames
Of my depression
My heart is broken from the
Hammer of disloyalty
But as my heart beats
It beats a sad tune
A tune that can be heard from within
My mind can't function
Of this feeling
Like my anger is controlling my body
Like my body is grooving to this demonic sounds,
In my head
My mouth forming words to destroy the confidence of this person
Trying to sing the song of hatred
To harmonize the medleys of my hidden anger and song along to the music that
Bring many to point of self-destruction
I should calm down, but I'm to hurt to even stop singing
I bite my lip to watch it bleed out the notes and rest of my rage
As I sing this tune
This sad tune
This demonic tune
This Medley of Hate

3.
Empty Heart

This cold dark shell in my life
Everything feels out of place
Like nothing will ever feel right
No matter how much you try in life
Something comes to make you feel worse
Sometimes it’s best to give up when you have nothing left to believe in
Your hopes up on life
You like everything is perfect
Life is a cruel game
You only lost in the end
And the painful truth will always haunt you
Because you’re filled with darkness
So cold
So dead
So empty
*claps*

lol my told from ebony , issac, davey, kadsatar who gave me this name

thank you freedom

am ashame

I am going through a horminal time and i want to not gonna lie have sex ...... but i either try and distract myself or use my grunny sigh.

my buddy sent to me

Freedom______ (7:04:08 AM): You're never alone, I'm always near,
When your troubled, down or blue.
All you have to do is call me,
I'm always here for you.
It doesn't matter where I'm at,
It doesn't matter when.
When you need someone to talk to,
I'm here to be your friend.
If you need someone to hold your hand,
or a hug to say I care.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,
for you I will be there.
So never think you are a burden,
when the weight gets to be to much.
You might find if look hard enough,
a good friend could be the right touch.
You're never alone, I'm always here,
through the good times and the bad.
I'm always here to be your friend,
I don't like to see you sad.

Freedom________(7:07:20 AM): The best of friends,
Can change a frown,
Into a smile,
when you feel down.
The best of friends,
Will understand,
Your little trials,
And lend a hand.
The best of friends,
Will always share,
Your secret dreams,
Because they care.
The best of friends,
Worth more than gold,
Give all the love,
A heart can hold.


Freedom_______ (7:09:01 AM): I have a friend
Who is perfect for me
She listens to all my problems
No matter how dumb they may be
She likes herself for who she is
And never tries to change
She tells me to be myself
And that I should never change
She was shy on the phone
But she would still call
And we would talk for hours
About nothing at all
We would talk about love and life
And discuss what we wanted to be
She knew just how I felt
And how happy I could be
She listens to me patiently
But never judges what I do or say
She helped with all my problems
And never went away
I never once felt judged by her
How much that meant to me
That I could tell her all my dreams
And she would listen to me
My friend never goes and tells
What is dear to me
She keeps it all bottled up inside
And doesn't spread it like a bee
I am thankful for that friend of mine
Our friendship will never end
And she will always be there
For she is my best friend

New friend

got a awesome friend knows how to put on a smile