Keep me strong

Let me encourage you as you do for me,
don't make me feel i can't do a thing,
am not to remind you of hurting past,
but i am to remind you of a better future.
Take those steps but not alone,
don't hold back not for anyone.
keep me strong and share your thoughts,
keep you strong and trust your guts.

Am just a person who wants to be acknowledge a friend who supports
i know i can only do little, so sometimes i need some support
i don't want you to fall in your dreams but i can't expect to much.

on a second thought maybe its what i don't need
i should heal with only one
and think on my own
my place is not to care but just to spare
why do i feel the need to belong
i know it will tear
i just need to be strong
i just need to be on my own
Encouraging thoughts i hold dear i should do it for those near
I can't heal everyone
am not a nurse am not a goddess
Why do i need to be near
am expose and love the feeling
i wont isolate or distrust
i will try to live
with what i know
everyone needs to sow
not a doctor but for myself
maybe am stressing my self
trying to fit in and keep close
I wont let fear eat me
i wont let it defeat me
I know am strong and
only some will know
I am seko
not a hero any more
Not a good girl
just wants to have fun
just a person
I wont try to fit
i'll make another end to whats never a start
i try to hard for others
i give to many chances
i need to leave behind
the wall i try to break down.
and for those who let down their wall
am sorry i was blind for not seeing it
For putting up my wall and questioning my all
your my strength that keeps me going
With your supports and push
I'll do the same and make it easier.
To return the favor of those who NEED it.

Only some people can admit so little.
And create there own sorrow
sadness and despair is what we create not a sickness
i will stop creating my pain that i
selfishly done
and push my self to what i've done
I have great friends
who see my pain
and i know would want to take away that rain
and so i will be happy for my self and them
To show am stronger with them.
I wont regret , i know i try but you can't force
a bond.
This is now!


I will always remain happy to those in my past and those in my furture , Cherishing happiness is not a curse because its what keeps me going forward to look for more.:) I ain't mad at no one but my self for thinking it hurt when its just a disillusion.

Open my Eyes to a Better Vision of Life

Open my eyes to a world
that's not a lie
Heal the pain
not just mine but others in vain
Seal the darkness
Create that spacious light
feed me the good
or i seek the bad
I know what is wrong
and want to fight it
All alone won't
make me feel whole
This ours
We can't deal alone
Create that wall
Knock it down and you will fall
need me more need you more
We all need each other, its for all
sometimes what we think is bad can be good
you never know unless you try but keep in mind
Do not blame
everyone is entitle the same
Hear us out we can never understand with a doubt
get the facts
you make up what you think just don't believe what you can't see
Ask them questions
don't be afraid to answer or speak
Cut your words to say
Some aren't there for others to hear
Think about your self
You the world and no body else
Open your arms
you can't keep holding back
Be strong, only you can last long
Support what you can
any one problem is not yours to take in vain
Keep that smile
It will always be alright
don't be the light but guide
you need the same then others
Its all just life
i will understand better
when am out from my prison
teach me more
I want to be a better person :)
Tell me more
I love to listen
Share your tale
Its your power, its your tear
fear is not so strong
don't let it eat you wrong
Advice can be wrong
its how you take it or how you say it
Choose for your self
I choose to do this
Be who you are
not others or steal their life
God is strong
only he can watch you be
Feelings are better then thoughts
their real and you mustn't ignore them
With thoughts it manipulate your emotions
and make you lie from what it makes
Misjudgment hurt you and others
your judging beyond power and control
Make the best out of life
I will one day or another!!!

My poem of ME, MYSELF,and I

i realize my self more and more but my negativity has control
Won't you come and save me from this hold
Or should i be strong and not listen to whats told
Can i denied what i feel or grasp my self and deal
Who's the blame or what i did
I say sorry 2,345 times a month
But its not enough, never the amount
My childhood was a lie
so i kept it hidden and felt to die
My words is all i got left to make me be free
from whats not left or of my dignity
But when its not heard and it wrong to others
I hide my voice and took the pain among another s
My eyes are for me to see
but i want to share that sight to be
My tears are stories for me,
a reminder of what happen to me
something i wish you'll feel
to keep this burden off me
What i hear i don't believe
My thoughts unclear and can be mean
My dear mother who i adore
Has scar me well and scorn me more
Has taught me to never trust or go close with whats stored
And i follow those principles with out a thought
Those i know aren't who i trust
they are just uses to make my self laugh
or use to make me feed off
I would put on a positive look so fool but my face say's another look
My secrets aren't a toy
my pasts aren't to employ
Who am i if i can't see
am i this, them, others or her
Can't i just be me?
To be honest i don't know me so i feel weak
Up until now no one ask
How do you feel or what do you mean?
To pull me out or see my facts
When you don't am attack
I have to say my words to get those out
I must not be heard to be question out
i guess am selfish to hide my problems and feel happy with another
I hate it when people try to me problem free is easy
well its not it harder then you thinkand it cause me to disbelif
because i tried it and you don't see
I'll make it but not in a breaze
i remember how am always lie or kept at bay with no signs
no one tells me what been going on?
i want to know , i feel alone
i guess i deserve to be ignore
i shouldn't know it not my place
i couldn't have know , you didn't say
what is strength, respect, or choice
i think i lost that to feel close
I think i never had it or maybe i sacrifice it
did you know i torture myself to feel it belong or hid my pain
did you know i lie and hold regrets to protect you and others from pain
or stains
do you know i pity my self more then others
am sad in so many ways its sickens me till rest
I carry a burden, if i share it with other
i must release my self from them for they say something that would hurt
I had men touch me cause i felt maybe they need to, even when i didn't want
i would later feel ashamed and call it my fault since it is what i allowed
i would get puzzles and you lies to fix, i would be misunderstood when i don't speak or heard its what you think
Did you know that happiness gets taken away from me or its un-touch for me
I had people to run from me, stuff destroy, things stolen, or more pain to endure
i would save it in my memory and cherish it with my life , i mustn't forget or i will lose this fight and plan to die
And tell my self there no happainess there
Guilt carries me and i hold it in , it would slip out easily and hurt those near
I don't want to give everything and i shouldn't feel need to
My memories are good for back then but not for now
i use to outcast my self and felt it was best
but when am with others i felt so great
and later they will forget me and am left with pain
to be replace or ignore to vain
I won't take on abuse, I won't allow control, I won't destroy my self with every blow, i won't hide how i feel and not keep it real.
well that's no more and it shouldn't be i will try again and make things mean to me
Fear control me i can't control it but i know i can walk another way even when it haunts me to death.

A video song i been watching repeatedly Knock yourself out

My dresses Yay!!!

My mom sucks at taking pictures >.<*.

href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTWzz5sxeuTIxanWp6IesJ4gl18LT2gfhoFnGF32lOe89hoyOKOYXF5sLIF3LPZA2VbLqC2CtV25A-NRWGLn2tR_wRtQnC-gMwpea-X3_Ermp5Z8BpydwNwNz-7bcK4QALZAK_xDJz3XAi/s1600-h/DSC01709.JPG">









I'll show you my Shoes and my prom and award ceremony dress and e-mail( sekococo@gmail.,com) me your thoughts and which i should wear for what yay. oh and ignore the blurry part >.<

Sigh...T.T My heart is so weary and haunty

Phew....ok....um... so i woke up this morning very sad again because i end up dreaming of him again. I became sad and hungry for him it made me feel ashamed of my self to feel so weak and wish for the past. I kinda wish i had that strong mind of his or had the guts to love someone else but i dont think i do really. I won't lie i miss him terribly and my dreams haunts me more. It sounds like he's been doing well with out me so i need to do the same but its quite difficult. Am so embarrass to still love him and want him when i should be wanting better things Argh!!!!!..... i dunno what to do but keep trying to have my mind occupy. To be honest my old thoughts came to me after i had the dream I was sobbing uncontrollably. I remember how i hoped we still be together and hang with him and laugh till the remainder days come when he had to leave. i would still be happy that the last few weeks were spent with him and i would continue to share and encourage him faithfully. Its all so painful to remember these feelings of him but i know i can't do a thing about them so i'll just let it go till the bitter end. I really do wish him the luck and chances he deserve. Am so selfish for wanting what i can't have. You can never chase after a heart that's gone. One day ill find my cure and fill that void. But not with a relationship.



And on a last note.. As i was thinking back i notice all the males i have spoken to never ask me how do i feel unless i went ahead and told them my problem. To all males please make sure to ask a female how there feeling or you would quickly assume or jump to conclusion and that would turn any situation nasty. So please ask a girl how you feel or else you will never know that TRUTH that your missing.

And for the females try to avoid the "guilt trip" there times when a sentence will just be unnecessary and will cause problems so just leave it simple and you'll be alright. No one wants to feel the blame for another and its never right to push that thought unto them since no one is at fault in ANYTHING But for there own mistakes.

Green Me Weary!!!

Save the hero By beyonce lyrics

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I'm not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I'm left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me
I guess I'm their soldier
Well, who's gonna be mine

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help
Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world

I bottle all my hurt inside
I guess I'm living a lie
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?

A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you're beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help
Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world

I've given too much of myself
And now it's driving me crazy
(I'm crying out for help?)
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me
Save me from myself

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help
Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl
After she saves the world
After she saves the world

Green Me Hero!!!

Brutailty Truth

LAST night i was talking to a friend and well i gave him my mind and how i feel now he wasn't to happy with it so was I but here it is.()* are opinion or thought that i couldn't say.

-I was Crying on the bus yesterday and i told myself am a idiot because this i what i wanted to avoid since middle school and my first relationship- Shaniqua adams

Cekococo (11:57:46 PM): and i ned to put my thinking out cuz its not helping my mood
__________ (11:57:55 PM): aww
__________ (11:58:03 PM): how can i help
Cekococo (11:58:56 PM): its cool its beyond any one help
__________ (11:59:10 PM): I wont settle that for a answer
__________ (11:59:20 PM): I am a God I can do anything

__________ (11:59:25 PM): so what do you need
Cekococo (11:59:52 PM): its fine let it go( i just wish he'd let it go its a wast trying to help something that's internal and mentally)
__________ (12:00:48 AM): how can I
__________ (12:00:53 AM): your so un happy
__________ (12:01:00 AM): i want to help
__________(12:01:07 AM): why wont you let me
Cekococo (12:01:39 AM): i do but in this process am worry about hurting you or any one else and i feel am just creating a rip by doing so
__________ (12:02:02 AM): i can handel myself
__________ (12:02:08 AM): you cant hurt me
__________ (12:02:15 AM): __________
Cekococo (12:02:21 AM): __________
Cekococo (12:02:30 AM): i felt like i hurt u
Cekococo (12:02:42 AM): and i found my letter to harold to be hurtful
__________ (12:02:59 AM): its ok
Cekococo (12:03:03 AM): i just dont want to be the bad person but it sucks i get punish for doing good
__________ (12:03:10 AM): you did what you had to do
Cekococo (12:03:12 AM): am going to bed
__________ (12:03:15 AM): and I understand that
__________ (12:03:17 AM): ok
Cekococo (12:03:18 AM): thanks
__________ (12:03:27 AM): but remember I got your back ok
Cekococo (12:03:36 AM): ok
__________ (12:03:44 AM): don't feel that you hurt me
__________ (12:03:47 AM): i am good
Cekococo (12:03:51 AM): ok
__________ (12:03:57 AM): i just want you to be as well
Cekococo (12:04:27 AM): jsut so you know i had thoughts and i might not date in for a long time ________________________________________________________________
Cekococo (12:05:09 AM): i think ill put the relationship business to rest it to much emotional shit to go on form beginning to end ( the end is something am not capable of handling no matter how much i had it . Its something i never can let go on and i get double the pain then with in a relationship).
Cekococo (12:05:14 AM): good night
__________ (12:05:32 AM): it not even about that
__________ (12:05:39 AM): if you move on you move on
__________ (12:05:43 AM): if i move on i move on
__________ (12:05:52 AM): doesn't stop me from caring about you
__________ (12:06:00 AM): and wanting you to be happy
Cekococo (12:06:35 AM): thanks but i dont want anyone hurt and i certainly can't do a rollor coaster again
Cekococo (12:06:41 AM): i know that all my rides end (and in the end i get Sick or scared)
__________ (12:06:46 AM): you dont have to
__________(12:07:05 AM): i know you don;t know me that long
__________ (12:07:15 AM): but have some find of trust in me
Cekococo (12:07:48 AM): i do but its i can't go down the same road twice i just cant risk it( i wont date anyone because any way you put it there will be a bitter sweet relationship and i'll get the bitter part )
__________ (12:08:07 AM): you don't have to
__________(12:08:15 AM): I am not harold
__________ (12:08:19 AM): and to make things easier
__________ (12:08:33 AM): we don't have to do anything ever again
__________ (12:08:51 AM): if thats what it takes I have no problem with that
Cekococo (12:08:52 AM): its cool and i knw ur not him ( but how are you so sure you can trust me or see me to hold up my end, i wont be able to do that so i wont give it a try i dunno knw anything anymore or what i want)
Cekococo (12:09:03 AM): but i see things now that every beginning has to have a end
Cekococo (12:09:19 AM): and i dont want to face that end
Cekococo (12:09:28 AM): i just can't risk it
Cekococo (12:09:44 AM): i bleed my heart out to much and sowing it back hurts even more
__________ (12:10:04 AM): why are you still hurting
__________ (12:10:18 AM): is it the fact you want to be with someone?( I don't want to be with any one unless i knw i will hurt them and am protecting them from being hurt by me)
__________ (12:10:29 AM): you still have feelings for harold?( yes i do but i hate my self for putting out so much and having a bitter end)
Cekococo (12:12:12 AM): i dunno any more ibeen hurt to much and being in a relationship is just a something i dont want any more i dont want to open up any more i dont want to bleed am tired of it i can't stand having to be heart broken so much and then have the big blow and over and over and other shit ( my problem i dont let go untill i see progress but when its stop i feel at wits end)
Cekococo (12:12:37 AM): i keep believeing shit that it hauts me( promises and dreams from previous relationships haunts me i really do trust and take seriously what any one or my partner would tell me and when its not fullfill i deal with a burden of it being a lie Ex. he told me he would come back to me and i believe it... i was a fool back then blinded by love spells or having the fact that it wont come true hurts even more)
Cekococo (12:12:41 AM): haunts me*
Cekococo (12:12:51 AM): i can't risk anymore( i been taking chances to many times people dont believe me but i have and this is always the result a mistake that pains me eternally)
__________ (12:12:52 AM): its ok
__________ (12:13:04 AM): but dont box ya self in
__________ (12:13:16 AM): you will only make ya self even more unhappy
Cekococo (12:13:17 AM): it was easier that way back then (
__________ (12:13:25 AM): take ya time off
__________ (12:13:30 AM): i feel you on that
__________ (12:13:50 AM): but don't let me or harold stop you from being happy
__________ (12:13:53 AM): trully happy
Cekococo (12:14:54 AM): i was trully( being in a a relationship) happy but every time that happens it get taken away from me(break up) or a road block( my home issues) i can't keep stopping my self for something as meanlngless that will just end up destroying me again( i still stick by it)
__________ (12:15:28 AM): it wont
__________ (12:15:33 AM): you learn from all this (i did but that diddnt stop my emotional pain did it? no)
__________ (12:15:43 AM): you act like you didn't but you did ( i know i did and i learn my mistake by getting to one)
__________ (12:15:55 AM): you are a stronger person because of that (if i was so stronger this wouldnt be a problem)
Cekococo (12:15:59 AM): but i dont want the after affects
Cekococo (12:16:05 AM): its to much for me to handel
__________ (12:16:09 AM): it will happen
__________ (12:16:19 AM): but it will also go away in due times
__________ (12:16:25 AM): so do the time
__________ (12:16:37 AM): and find what trully makes you happy
Cekococo (12:16:49 AM): my due times are long and tormenting am not wasting my time to have another year off becuz of it( or looking for something that doesnt last)
Cekococo (12:17:03 AM): i dont care about trully happy any more
__________ (12:17:12 AM): well i do
__________ (12:17:28 AM): and hopefully you will come back around
__________ (12:17:38 AM): its ok to feel hurt
__________ (12:17:43 AM): everyone does
__________ (12:17:48 AM): its call being human
__________ (12:17:56 AM): i know .it hurt a lot
__________ (12:18:11 AM): but wounds will heal in due time
Cekococo (12:18:13 AM): yea but i dont want i been trying to avoid it for the past 7 yrs and i still get hurt no matte what( when i heal am not going to cut my self again)
__________ (12:18:21 AM): just dont box yourself in
Cekococo (12:18:22 AM): i can't even keep my own promises
Cekococo (12:19:08 AM): to be honest i dont mind if i isolate my self atleast i didnt need to think or worry its better then torturing my self over helpless things
__________ (12:19:27 AM): its not hopeless
__________ (12:19:40 AM): if it was I would have given up long ago
Cekococo (12:20:45 AM): good night you shouldnt waste your time am too stubborn to listen
__________ (12:21:07 AM): its not wasting my time if its for someone I care about
__________ (12:21:18 AM): you been the hero long enough
__________ (12:21:41 AM): you do got sidekicks that got ya back
__________ (12:21:52 AM): your not alone on this
Cekococo (12:22:11 AM): i just can't am sorry
Cekococo (12:22:19 AM): i need to sleep i have church later
__________ (12:22:29 AM): ok but one thing
__________(12:23:27 AM): If you trully want to something in this world you would let no force stop you no matter how painful the journey maybe but also keep this in mind( only problem is the force is itself , no matter how much i wnat to go to i can't have wit i want if it wont do the same)
__________ (12:23:50 AM): you will ALWAYS have friends you will walk that journey with you
__________ (12:23:51 AM): so
__________(12:24:02 AM): please don't give up on yourself
Cekococo (12:24:11 AM): good night
__________ (12:24:16 AM): ....
__________ (12:24:19 AM): good night
__________ (12:24:29 AM): and sweet dreams
Cekococo (12:24:35 AM): i wish i do too

(4 posts ago)I started to hate the ideal of a relationship because i saw it now as a drug of Ecstasy and happiness that is temporary. You become addicted and want more but when the end comes you crash and you fall in the pit of pity, self hate and the ideal of wanting to try new drugs for your benefit and being use. You could say am like that but now i hate the feeling of the end and taking a new drug only made me sick and scared of going back in to that life style of satisfaction and happiness just to be taken away again. I still cry because i realize i can't get that same exact rush and that drug will find a new owner to be addicted to. A Crave i can't ignore. A crave i won't want again. - shaniqua adams
Green Me sadness!!!!

Am just retarded for posting this but a friend song theory

__________ (9:51:09 PM): LMAO from Jay-z to rihanna to Beyonce
__________ (9:51:16 PM): they all connect
__________ (9:51:44 PM): they said rihanna was fuckin Jay,and beyonce made ring the alarm for her,lol
__________ (9:51:52 PM): and maybe jay song is for rihanna
Cekococo (9:53:23 PM): WOW
Cekococo (9:53:28 PM): am posting this too
__________(9:53:45 PM): lmao im the best ever!*cough

Friennd 2
__________(9:56:47 PM): lol
__________ (9:56:55 PM): jay-z the the drug
Cekococo (9:57:06 PM): lol
__________ (9:57:08 PM): rihanna had to go to rehab
__________ (9:57:43 PM): beyonce was a crazy lover

Green me Dumb purple!!!

?.? ummm ok i got one more song but it based on my letter

So another friend told me that she read my letter to my ex and say how i made two posts of lyrics with what my friends gave me and she wanted me to post this one...ok well thanks.

Beyonce- Ring the alarm

Ring the alarm
I been through this too long
But I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm
Won't you ring the alarm?
I been through this too long
But I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm

[Chorus:]
She gon' be rockin' chinchilla coats
If I let you go
Getting the house off the coast
If I let you go
She gon' take everything I own
If I let you go
I can't let you go
Damn, if I let you go
She gon' rock them VVS stones
If I let you go
Couped in the 'bach or the Rolls
If I let you go
She gon' profit everything I taught
If I let you go
I can't let you go
Damn, if I let you go

[Verse 1:]
Tell me how should I feel
When I know what I know,
And my female intuition
Telling me you a dog?
People told me 'bout the flames
I couldn't see through the smoke
When I need answers, accusations
What you mean you gone choke?

[Pre-Chorus 1:]
You can't stay, you gotta go.
Ain't no other chicks spending your dough
This is taking a toll, the way the story unfolds
Not the picture perfect movie everyone would've saw

[Chorus]

[Hook]

[Verse 2:]
Tell me how should I feel
When you made me belong
And the thought of you just touching her
Is what I hate most?
I don't want you but I want it
And I can't let it go
To know you give it to her like you gave it to me, come on

[Pre-Chorus 2:]
He's so arrogant and bold (Oh)
She gon' love that shit, I know
I done put in a call, time to ring the alarm
'Cause you ain't never seen a fire like the one I'ma 'cause

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
How can you look at me
And not see all the things that I kept only just for you?
Why would you risk it baby? Is that the price that I pay?
But this is my show and I won't let you go
All has been paid for, and it's mine
How could you look at me
And not see all the things?

[Chorus]

________ (9:46:11 PM): lmao
________ (9:46:16 PM): ring the alarm
Cekococo (9:46:18 PM): wow first _______ then you and now its _______
________ (9:46:20 PM): its true
Cekococo (9:46:25 PM): really
________ (9:46:45 PM): just replace she gona get the house with "she gonna get the dick"
________ (9:46:49 PM): and u good
Cekococo (9:46:53 PM): LMAO
Cekococo (9:47:03 PM): am posting this on my blog now
________ (9:47:05 PM): lmao

Green me Evny!!!- hmmm that sounds about right...cough*

O.o well i wanna thank another friend

She saw my post below and felt there a more suited song for me so ill post it and the lyrics. Thanks girl:).

Rihanna- Rehab

Baby Baby
When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
And now I feel like - ooh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept
You'd do anything for the one you love
Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
Its like you were my favorite drug
The only problem was that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know that it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
Cause now I feel like - ooh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Oh - Oh
Now ladies gimme that..
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh-Oh
Oh Oh Ouh Oh
Now gimme that
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh-Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Now ladies gimme that..
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh-Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Now gimme that
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh-Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Green me rehab!!!

Thanks for the song

a friend gave me a song and when i look at the lyrics i immediately understand his message so thanks.

Jay-z - I know
(course)
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
I know what you like
Everything you love
I know what you like
Everything you love
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
And I Know And I Know
I know what you like ....HOV
Baby you love ....HOV
Baby you love ....HOV
Baby you like ....HOV

Uh-
She wants that old thing back
Uh- uh- uh-
She want those Heroin tracks
She likes me
She fiends for me nightly
She leans for me
Morning she rush for my touch
This is about LUST
Cold sweats occur when I'm not with her
My presence is a must- must- must-
Bonita Applebum, i gotta put you on
If i didn't when we cuttin'
the feeling would be too
strong
In any form, i'm giving you sweet dreams
That Sugar Hill, she call
me her sweet thing
That Black Rain that take away your pain
Just for one night, baby, take me in vein
Now that feelin' got you trippin'
You no wanna feel no diffrent
Said lust has got you itchin'nose wide open and its'
drippin' -eh -eh -eh -eh
I know what you like, i am
your prescription
I'm your physician, i'm your addiction

(course 2 repeated lyrics)

I am so DOPE
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/O1 ]
Like Louboutins with the red bottoms
You gotta have 'em, you glad you got 'em
Like every color
Giuseppe's, your guilty
pleasure is me
Its so much fun, you shun therapy
Although it never be, the
feeling is fleeting
Shopping's like coppin', you
constantly need it
I'm never around, you constantly seek it
You'll never be down, i know
where your peak is
9 1/2 weeks is better than 12-steps
I keep tryin' to remind you to
keep tellin' yourself
Now your conscience is
interfering, like "Better
yourself!"
Like you better get help
But when that medicine's felt?
We're back together
Don't ever leave me
Don't ever let 'em tell you
that you'll never need me
My China White, 'til we D.O.A.
Its Montego forever, baby,
lets get away....


(course 3 repeated lyrics)

How could you leave me?
I thought that you needed me!
When the world got too much and
you pleaded with me--
Who helped you immediately?
How speedy of me!
How could you deny me so vehemently?
Now your body is shakin'
trying to free it of me
And your soul is in control,
trying to lead it from me
And your heart no longer
pledge allegiance to me
Damn, i'm missing the days
when you needed the D


(course 4 repeated lyrics)

Green me I know !!!

Insane and the story of Ceko the real seko

sighs....i hung out with my mom all morning and we went shopping. It was OK at first but then when i started noticing the increase of couples and PDA i became upset but not about them about my self and how miserable am still am. I think about all the times i had struggle and dealt with emotional pain. I felt back then it was perfect that i kept my emotions in and plans for the later future.I started to hate the ideal of a relationship because i saw it now as a drug of estasy and happiness that is temporary. You become addicted and want more but when the end comes you crash and you fall in the pit of pity, self hate and the ideal of wanting to try new drugs for your benefit and being use. You could say am like that but now i hate the feeling of the end and taking a new drug only made me sick and scared of going bcak in to that life style of satisfaction and happiness just to be taken away again. I still cry because i realize i can't get that same exact rush and that drug will find a new owner to be addicted to. A Crave i can't ingorne.

I also remember back then I was a dreamer but not the dreaming you would think. While you dream about gaining life's stability , or the person you want or maybe that aspirating life then any of you guys wanted i was dreaming of my own world. A hero who fought all challenges whether it was far and close but there was more it wasn't just fighting she had she had a normal life each year doing school meeting new people and getting what she always wanted and enjoying the stuff she does or train for more strength. But i though maybe she had it to good and so i would base my failures in her life. She became upset with me for taking away the easy pass but she learn to deal with it. She been in a relationship lets see.... she been in it for about 5 years. I was happy for her more envious but happy since i based her off me in my way. But slowly my reality creep in and i lost control of how her life is to be. She no longer was that powerful heroine but a girl who had powers that develop along with her own mind. She had a shadow it was alive living behind her and in the mirror. she was scared but embrace it. It devour her and i thought it was the end and my dreams along with it( that time i was entering a new chapter or grade). But i was wrong she came back i was happy i never thought my dreams could affect me emotionally. When the day i got jumped in middle school i stayed strong even though i lost. I wasn't scared having hits thrown at me all i was thinking was my dream world she was having her battle too and was feeling like giving up. I told her no and so she fought back but i didnt. Then later on she met a fellow she fell in love with his name was hiei jangish she fell in love but kept her distance since he was a beast of darkness and not of good and they only met once but that was it. She live in a home of 7 people there persona match of my friends in the real life. I grew accustom to day dreaming 24/7 while balancing my mind with social life. I realize i had some sort of control of the world and in my head it was like watching a show. i decide since i can make her emotions i will sync it with mines no matter the situation. Her relationship develop and end just like mines. I forget why she does it to her self to go back on that roller coaster when there was to be a end. But back then i didn't get i would would go in to relationship i had no care in but for someones benefit. Then one day she fell in love with a fellow friend and so did I but i was scared for her i try to warn her that you will just end what you love. So she took my warning and decide it was safe to forget that emotions and hide it. we knew that a friendship is longer lasting then with a friend as a partner we thought. Both me and her grew the love to make other happy and help them at all cost. We never knew that it would come with a price. Soon her friends that she thought she trusted betray her and made her happiness her weakness. She would let them take advantage of her power just so she can keep that bond she so faithfully loved. then hiei came and saved her when path was cross again. She did'nt understand why someone of dark origin would help a natural enemy of light. he diddnt care he knew that he was attracted and interested that she was so different. His alies question him and thought it maybe just a brilliant plan to get close and use her for personal benfits. And so he made them believe that just to be close to her and not lose what his pride has so fight for and it was respect and strength. her friends warn her that she risking to much and she still have lot to learn. But like her she became interested and diddnt listen to the advice. weeks past and she would sneak to his layer and open up as much as she did and have sexual encounters that open horizons , she had fear of there differences at first but she didnt let it get to her to stop her from feeling that pleasure. I can't really say what he was thinking or doing because he a intruder of my world, a character i never created or know and i knew i had no control over him so he remain this person who captivated my character and half....i'll stop for now that i will say is the end of part one. I realize i got off topic but that was because i was dreaming again, back in to that beautiful world i miss and lost when i lost. It scared me to read this because i feel i some how mimic my world with the real ones. And now i wonder how will part two come out in the way i did or in its own destiny that i had hope in.

Green me Addicted and Dreaming!!!

Youtube Video With Seko

Am dumb for posting this up but i just gotta share it with my followers LMAO

Logans Blind Date


Worst Break Up Ever!!!


Green me Ludacris!!!

Passport Photos

OK so today i was suppose to be in Canada but sadly we couldn't go due to the fact i need to renew my passport, My grandmother was coming after we leave there and my uncles family would be to busy to have us in there care and so the try was cancel. Am move to July 30 to August 5. We also made plans to go to Guyana. So today i had to go to a clinic for a friend need (no questions ask) and their i found my old high school ex with a female who had to get a pregnancy screening. It was funny because if i stay with him i would of been in that position and the we didn't say a thing to each other but he kept giving me glances and stared at his phone which didn't bother me. Then later i had to take Passport photos which turn out weird because the pictures look weird so ill show you what i mean because to me they look like DUI and mug shots lol "i didn't mean to steal that candy" thoughts in my head of the picture.

Green Me DUI and Lucky!!!

The letter of truth- from a previous posts

Dear Issac,
May 18, 2009

I was writing this letter not to give to you but for myself to finally open up that I never could have. To get things straight am still in love with you and no matter how much I try to denied it never works. I am so hurt from our break up it the most painfully thing I ever felt and to be honest am upset that you never took it in to consideration. I felt that you only had me for just a purpose and not for a relationship. You hurt me the most by this and bring up your new love. I enjoy being your friend but I also hate how you cheerily bring her up and talk about your feelings for her. To be honest it just hurts me even worst that you’re not thinking when you write things like that to your ex. I painfully imagine how she can easily take my place and make you forget everything about me completely erase from your memory as you wanted. I actually do want to like her because I don’t want to be envious, I want to enjoy that she can make you happy then I could never do. It just so hard to communicate to you as a friend because most things I ever talk about is how much I miss you and deeply cut from what you’ve done. I never regret being with you but I surely wish sometimes I didn’t met you. What is it that makes you tick? I just can’t get you sometimes I do believe you don’t know what you want even though you say so but I also feel that you’re playing a game you didn’t know what you put yourself in to. And as for your future relationship I do wish the best but it hurts me to say is am more worrying about the girl then your feelings. I feel she may go through the same thing I did even thought you say you will change for the better. And to have her when she may still being in a healing process will only confuse her heart and create a complex feeling as I once did. Its great you want to be with her but how can you see that you can have a strong relationship when you’ll be leaving soon and to top that how can you give her both physical and emotional support from such a distance, You couldn’t do that me so what make you think you can do that with her. To me the things you said to me to me in the past has greatly haunt me because it what I always wanted and to see I can’t have that happen makes it more difficult to bear because in a way you took away my happiness. What greatly pisses me off is how you decide to change after we broke up it felt like I wasn’t worth trying with and I felt use because of that. And what else bothers me is how you wanted me to go out with one of your best friends. I mean it’s great you want us together but you don’t understand how much more it hurt me, to have him be close to you, how he keeps reminding me of you of his actions and the fact you approve of this. The closer I get to him the more I don’t want to be with him relationship wise and it scares me because it feels like this whole shit is happening again. To be honest only reason am going out with him is the same reason as you to make “him” happy and I like him because you think I like him. I remember the first time I met you I thought you was cool but a year I started to grow in to liking you even though I never met or talk with you. You could say it like how you chase after her for two years. But what does matter to you, you’re so goal forward that you don’t care for what you’re done with. I can understand you don’t want anything to hold you back and that what am doing but this is just too much. You’re living like a train stop after stop and I don’t know what to think any more. I lost so much inspiration that I had with you the poems, drawing, stories, ideas that I once had. Before I would only see green but after meeting you I saw many colors and I became more open and chance taker and i believe everything you said. I am a very sensitive person and the only advice I give to you is to stop rushing and stop thinking of the end of everything. I don’t think I want you back after seeing how you are but I also don’t think I can stop thinking about you. You’re like this string I can’t cut off as if there some meaning or message I missed. To be honest how the way you saw me ( don’t know what I want, complex, challenge) Is the exact way I saw you and it bother me to think that how we have so much in common but yet so opposite at it. When I try to prove to myself that I don’t need you or only you can do this its struggle of what I want and like. It’s like I fell in love with a monster and I want to create one to be like the one I like. I won’t lie breaking up with you have open me up to so much things but it’s also made me deal with the weight alone. Only reason why I hold back when commutation the new you is because am doing the favor of keeping the mental weight off, I don’t want you to feel guilty, I don’t want you to think this is your fault, I don’t want to affect your new life, and certainly I don’t want you to feel that you have to hate me. I know this because I know you’re not mentally fit to hear what I have to say no matter how ready you are. Because I know you can listen but I know you have a fear of believing what you hear. You think that I could get over you after a few weeks well your wrong and I know it will be a long time and when I do forget it will come back somehow. Because though you made me stronger and weaker you made me like you but you just don’t realize it. How much I taken from you and not see it through. I feel like am rushing the things I do and how forward I be that I don’t realize I neglected my feelings of doing so. I feel like were a puzzle we fit and yet we don’t and maybe that’s why it had to end. But I still think that somehow it can completely fit and am not meaning relationship but seeing ourselves. Sigh that why I came upon the conclusion of us being yin and yang, I see it as two lost soul mates and it just pulls me in to see what we are. I feel so much better writing this, to tell you that I felt like our bond was cut and yet I still feel the remaining affects of it. I hope in the future if we cross path that whatever happens happen because from what I know seeing the future only leads you to the opposite path of happiness or life.

Sincerely,
Your weirdo ex, twin/ over thinker who will never see life the same way
Seko
p.s. I know that am a crazy person but your just as insane :P
everyone got use to it.

May 19,2009
P.s. I realize one thing about myself that scares me and that is I don’t do what I want and I let people take advantage of me and also I make people happy thinking it would do the same for me but you know what it doesn’t. I put myself and body for the use for you and others and am just letting it go. Am sorry if you find this letter disturbing. Its just all my life I had people push themselves on me and I never once say no. I don’t know myself because I don’t like it and I try so hard to be like others that am not. Am only changing to what you and your friend want wheter you see it or not.

Green Me Hurt!!!

O.o postive and Negative horoscope i got today

As the title say i got horoscope that kinda creep me out becuase it true about mines so i want to share but i don't know what to say about the others ill post up my friends horoscopes and if i forgot one leave a commment of your sign if your my friend.

Today May 18, 2009

Pisces- You may not feel too well today. The time has come to take a break for your health’s sake. The reality is that your health is a reflection of how run down you are. Life is proving to be a challenging episode in motion. This is all down to the attitude that you have adopted towards various situations in your life. Take time to escape from the stress that finds its way to your life. You have the control and you need to exercise it. No one can influence you to do more than your capabilities allow. An escape is what you need at this point in time. Your relationships, career and general social life are all at stake if you do not slow down. These are the times when your body speaks to you. Listen to it.

Aquarius- A major change in your life has got your head reeling. You are not sure whether you should celebrate or be a little anxious. This is one of those moments when uncertainty fills your mind because this is a disguised blessing. It takes a little more time to see through the meaning of this transformation you are undergoing. Someone may try to dissuade you in terms of your future prospects. The situation is confusing at this particular point but you will soon understand exactly why everything is happening the way that it is. It is only a matter of time before the reality of your situation sinks in. You should get ready for a pleasant surprise.


Capricorn- Your search for love is not going well because you are looking for it in all the wrong places. Whatever you are looking for is right under your nose. Stop trying so hard to please a person who is self absorbed and can hardly think of anyone else. Your efforts are going unnoticed and this has led you to go to extremes in order to get attention. You need to realize that no matter how much you try to attract this person, you will not get far. This does not serve as a reflection of the type of person you are. You took a chance this time and opened your heart wide. If the person did not appreciate this, you should not concern yourself. Dust yourself off and try again….with someone else of course.

Gemini- You yearn to get so much done in such little time today but it will not be possible because although your mind is in the correct place, your heart is not in it. Trying to reconcile the two will not work and so will your efforts to get someone to lend a hand. Take some time out to think of the priorities and just do what you can. Your romantic future is rosy and the least you could do is pay special attention to your words as well as your personal grooming. Do not for any reason ignore the subtle invitation for a meeting by a stranger as this could be the beginning of a very special and long term involvement.

Cancer- Today is not the best day to reveal anything concerning family or your career life. Any strategies that you have thought of putting in place to counter any problems on the home or work front should be held close to your chest as well. If you reveal anything about yourself today it will be used against you in future by someone you thought you could trust. This is not a good day to start on a new project as you may not get the support you need from those you look up to. A visit from someone you held in high regards will not only cheer you up but will also be a source of great inspiration for you.

Virgo- Today is a good day to present your plans of the future to your loved one as they will be in a compromising mood. This does not however mean that they will agree with everything you say; most of it. You on the other hand should also be ready to see the other side of the coin that will be presented by the other party. Regardless of how bad a loved one's life is going, this is not a good day to point it out as you will only succeed in alienating them from you. The best approach to use is to lend them a shoulder to lean on without voicing your opinion. Take time to think before you take any action today.

Libra- Your attempt to make friends might be rebuffed several times today. This should not discourage you, give it time and things will fall in place. Although socially this might not be your best day yet, it is certainly a good day to make investments. Take you time to go through the newspapers, financial journals and to talk to people in the know concerning the best type of investment that will bring you returns within as short time. Your propensity to pay attention to the finest details should also be able to help you with the decision making process concerning your investments. On the romantic front, you may be required to make the first move, do not shy away and give it your best.

Scorpio- Your loneliness is starting to get to your very last nerves. This situation has also not been helped by people around you who keep throwing hints that your biological clock is ticking away. Do not let them or the feelings you are having get to you as you will be experiencing a turn around in your love life sooner than you expect. Every effort that you have been putting towards the repairing of a relationship in the work place is going to be reciprocated so be ready to accommodate the other person. This is also a good day to put on your dancing shoes for a wild and fun-filled night out on the town but take care not to over do it.

Sagittarius- This is a good day to assert yourself and things should be made easier by the self confidence that you have recently acquired. Voice any concerns or opinions that you have been suppressing for a long time now and you will be surprised by the many people that have been waiting for you to do this. Previously closed doors are also set to open as a result of assertiveness and you should be ready to embrace these new changes. In your quest to assert yourself however, you should try not to step on people's toes too much as it might cost you much more than you bargained for. Your faith might also be called into question today brace yourself to counter the doubts that will come as a result.

that's it for today and yay 51 posts lets push for a 100 :)and if we get there am turning my blog in to a book.

Green Me Horoscope!!!

Congrats i wrote 50 posts in 3 months

Wow i can't believe i wrote this much, i even decided to dress it up for her big 50 today ain't she beautiful ;). So i have big news ill will be co-op on a another blog which is a friends all welcome post. I'll still be posting here but just thoughts and feelings and on the other blog random crap and opinions. So give a big clap to fifty posts and still going strong you dig! oh and here's the site web address http://newyork-kids.blogspot.com/ feel free to contact my gmail(sekococo@gmail.com) to join in and post what you like. Together lets put a smile on that face :).

GREEN ME 50!!!!!!!

Bury letters and a new one to the collection

I hate my laptop, well i was going through somethings because i thought i delete everything from the day i left the house but i guess not. As a baka i can be. i found a letter that i had written to my ex weeks and i decided to edited and add what was on my mind today. OMG the letter is actually the most straight forward thing i have ever wrote and it made me feel strong. of course i can't give it to him it one of the letters i keep for my self like i did with my mom on how i felt with her, the 25 page poem and letter i wrote for andrez, the daddy not in my life letter and my old camille love letter, and last but not least the letter i wrote to my self that inspired me and my love for green. but i realize something, keeping these letters didn't make sense and the one for him was well i dunno. i thought maybe ill give it to him when he's gone but i think i should do that. but only one person found out about it so am a little scared of it being out but then i was like i don't care its just a letter and so she felt i should share it to my most closest people or who ever. so after some thinking i guess i could share but not on my blog i will only read it on the phone to certain people or email. after that its done. she right it never good to hold something deep with in even if its on paper. If i give you the letter you, it mean you have my utter most respect and trust. you can also ask for my other letters except the me letter that my old inspiration on a play i wanted to write and well if you can figure it out then good for you.

Green me Trust and communication!!!

I am a bad person

AM a very bad person very bad person..and now i realize am holding back but i'll open up just when i get even more comfortable. And if some of you people who haven't heard form me in awhile or seem am neglecting you its not am just .....giving my self some space and alone time

Oh and one last thing

lol me and him was talking and we both realize that he's a incubus and am a succubus and at the same time we got a idea he was like New drawing ideal and i was like new story ideal lmao!!!!!!

Green me black!!!

My life in a mirror of my twin

lately has me and my ex became friends we slowly realize how much we switch places and how its affecting us. Lately with the girl that to become his girl friends he's starting to become emotional overwhelme and not as his strategic self as he was. and for me i develop some weird confidence and have been over thinking things of many subjects. We called ourselves the yin yang twins because we have a bond not out of love but on connections. He's now feeling more for this girl as i did with him, the feeings of not being able to think, a little of not self worthy and the wishful thinking of having her. As for me i develop over thinking and thinking for people, a more confidence and goal ornated ideal and i seems to side a away from problems when usually i like to approach it and also my stubbornness getting the best out of me. And it gets weirder from there i been seeing how we took each other past advice and slowly follow it. he's letting her think while am thinking mostly for my self. He wants me to be more open to him while am holding back and giving space. The more i think about it the more i keep establishing more connections and persona's switch. Now am on the other end of the line pushing him for a relationship and emotional support while he pushes me to be open and talk and want to not to rush. its just so weird but i think since our break we began to take on each other life some how but were still our selves. we still think alike but have a different way of explaining so its weird. oh well Issac yang and Seko yin twins at unknown cause we cross paths.

and on another note in one my my many theories about this i also seen were living out each other lives but in our own way. Example he has stop talking to his mom and is going away, one of the things for him in the past was to talk with his mom and get that problem out. But in my case i got the chance to talk to my mom but... i want to go away and can't doesn't seem like a connect but it does to me or how lately i been hanging with his his best friends and he feels a little left out but doesn't admit it gets to him. That's how i felt back then but i don't know i guess. I just can't get this ideal out my head that were doing the same thing but differently and another thing recently i had admit he's right because something has happen and then i would was in denial with my self. before i was right and he couldn't admit i was and was in denial but later on he did before me .sigh @.@ well i guess were brother and sisters now since he call me nee-chan and i call him now oni-san. >.< damn it i just realize how in the past he had a blog during his teen year about his problems and stuff and now am doing that O.o and also i realize i wanna do kick boxing and he wants to do muy thai....maybe am just over thinking again...yea that's it.


Green me!!! oh yea latley i've been called a jerk so amma work on that.

thoughts that came back

for some odd reason i just remember a statement some one told me that i use to believe and i dunno now on it. but it was" lovers are the time you give and share but friends are forever even when your time end" that statement made me think alot ...that's all i want to say.

Forgot to post this yesterday

My baby steps became my biggest walk and i realize i didn't fall in the past i advance from it while your still living in your dream world.

Here's my two prom dress

Here's the first dress the one i like and wanted to wear for prom. Some friends felt that it brought me out the best. And the best part is it has green Yay me!!!!

the green is th first and the black is second












Now the second dress my mother favor and bought for me before i wasntsure but i grew in to liking it.

Green Me!!!

Rock, Papper,Scissors.......watch out for the rock

Now this is a image site someone sent to me. I just laugh when reading this because either person had a issues with this game and was high writing it or...they just being brutally honest and is a genius. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Green Me!

*blush* ok i been struggling with something personal

ok lately i been frustrated and i want to keep true but....yea i'll just post one of my aim msg for a opionon

Cekococo (10:30:20 PM): and i want to know your opionon

Cekococo (10:33:50 PM): i have a guy friend and he made a plan for me call the ish plan.....sighs well he's a manwhore and he thinks i should learn to seperate plaesure and love becuase it tends to confuse me and makes it diffucult for me so i need to learn how to part emotions and ....he suggest i should do friends with benfits . He thinks i shouldnt torture my self for one thing over and over i should learn to have fun some times.... and i wanna know what you think?

leave comments!!!

green me!

Happy mother day

I just wanna wish my mother and all the mothers a god-blessing mothers day...nothing more to say.

BEST girl advise given from a girl

at a time like this you mite come home with swine flu

lmao

but i meant just chillax

kick back

you dont need a man to support you.. you have friends for that

friends last longer than bfs

bfs are there to help you escape reality for a but

bit*

:lol

if their not doin their job

move on

: lol

thats my theory

thats what she told me and i love hearing that lol i had to remove her aim name for protection lol
Green me!!! and pink me !!!

My beginning lead to open windows

well guys i feel lighter then a feather. When times are dark the better will be the out come and the stronger you become. I was away from home for 3 days and it was hard for me to think but i felt good to be away for a while. All my problems has been solve, a memory problem, facing my mother and confronting a past love( though i do have some retain opinions). Am glad i can move on with my life and i learn alot about my self and what i need to do. yesterday i had a talk with my mom, before i had strong intension to not come back and keep moving on and that i would live life my way but i realize i can't leave with out saying what i need to leave. And so after talking i found out about my past being a kept serect, my mother fears and her tramatizing experince and how i truly felt. Here's a word of advise to anyone even if you already know this. Its never to late to fix what you could, its never the end unless its life it self, Everyone deserve a chance and that limit should be 3, and last but not least Every voice needs to be heard because you can never know that maybe that person wants to help you and make you happy how ever you want it :). I will teach my self those rules and hope the best that others can follow. One of my greatest lesson i learn was no matter how bad things get or your struggling to with hold you will always have the greatest outcome or a learning experince that can ultimatly affect you or any one. I realise i would have been a fool if i hadn't went back to my mom and have a talk, i would look like the lessor person because really i was running from a problem that i diddnt address. Nothing more in life that i want is to have any open relationship no close or one-sided. I felt that i did the right thing to give my mom another chance i just wish someone did the same but its ok they move on and thats good that they keep there mind on the road. I felt so good to hear my friends again they were worry about me and did what they could to help me. Thank you guys so much staying by my side. My depression is gone but i do have mini stress out and thats from over thinking. Also i need to train my self to seperate and know when to use mix feelings that i think is my weakness. :) i gain info on lost relative and a twin( my ex) who i can talk with comfortably with but wish he could do the same. Also i got more best friends there funny and have a werid world which i like. i think am better than super woman because i face odds and won with only one lost and 99 wins lol. I hope i can expernice as much i can for my self and everything else lol. I'll keep being strong and willing to help anyone out emotionally whether you like it or not and want it or not.

so may peace be with you as with me GREEN ME!!!

Trouble of the free

well today was a very event full day and am even more distress by all the drama created and so amd happy to be in a new home and i will updated later but now am just to troubled at all the things that has happen.

A Great new beginng

Hey guys i dont know what to say or feel but a HUGE weight has been lifted. My cage soul has been release to be its imgainative care free self. this morning at 3:58 my mom sent me text message that i'll will post. Basically she kicking me out and i have two weeks of living here. I'll will be staying over by a friend house the following week from there out i will learn to live what i strive for and faces tougher challegens. I love my mom so am thankful of this opporunity.

What on my brain today?

hi....well i haven't been holding up well. Things keep turning worst for me but am trying to figure out a way. More and more everyday i feel distant. I know that my happiness and the fun times i share are limited and my my stress and other bad emotions grow limitless. I am doing the best i could and trying to keep everything together. I happy to have great friends but i just need a good cry on someone shoulder. Something am afraid to do. I still struggle with many facts with my self and appluad those who manage to keep them selves together. I have a growing list of regrets and things i want to change about my self. I know am not ready for anything or this world that has to offer. I use to love to adventure and explore new things but i lost that love along with my god given talents that i given up on. I've been doing well to make people happy still. Through out all the troubles and hearing from people i know that my problems maybe the same but am a different person. Am constanly reminded of my troubles, of the things i lost that was held preciously, of the time i wasted and chances i miss. My mind and persona is very complex and i realize i can't be everything, feel everything if i don't know my self. There's abook i been reading in english class and its very hard to follow up on, i have no interst but i still read some of the chapters and i realize that am like the narrator him self. the book is call invisible man by ralph ellison and heres the bio of the main chacater.The nameless protagonist of the novel. The narrator is the “invisible man” of the title. A black man in 1930s America, the narrator considers himself invisible because people never see his true self beneath the roles that stereotype and racial prejudice compel him to play. Though the narrator is intelligent, deeply introspective, and highly gifted with language, the experiences that he relates demonstrate that he was naive in his youth. As the novel progresses, the narrator's illusions are gradually destroyed through his experiences as a student at college, as a worker at the Liberty Paints plant, and as a member of a political organization known as the Brotherhood. Shedding his blindness, he struggles to arrive at a conception of his identity that honors his complexity as an individual without sacrificing social responsibility. i guess i felt a little alike the character. I been through so much madness but i gain so much more. I know people can never figure me out or understand me like i do. I find it so easy to be like one with anyone then being my self. I try so hard to be this person that like you that i don't realise what is me. i don't know what i want because i see what you want and so i take it for mine. Now i know that my mother gave me hell but i still love her for all she done. Am glad not to be in a foster home or lost, am glad to be a strong dimplomatic person and am glad i grew this rebellious phase to become independent for myself. I know i can make it out for my self but i guess its much to early. ...............sorry am lost now because am piss again.

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