What on my brain today?

hi....well i haven't been holding up well. Things keep turning worst for me but am trying to figure out a way. More and more everyday i feel distant. I know that my happiness and the fun times i share are limited and my my stress and other bad emotions grow limitless. I am doing the best i could and trying to keep everything together. I happy to have great friends but i just need a good cry on someone shoulder. Something am afraid to do. I still struggle with many facts with my self and appluad those who manage to keep them selves together. I have a growing list of regrets and things i want to change about my self. I know am not ready for anything or this world that has to offer. I use to love to adventure and explore new things but i lost that love along with my god given talents that i given up on. I've been doing well to make people happy still. Through out all the troubles and hearing from people i know that my problems maybe the same but am a different person. Am constanly reminded of my troubles, of the things i lost that was held preciously, of the time i wasted and chances i miss. My mind and persona is very complex and i realize i can't be everything, feel everything if i don't know my self. There's abook i been reading in english class and its very hard to follow up on, i have no interst but i still read some of the chapters and i realize that am like the narrator him self. the book is call invisible man by ralph ellison and heres the bio of the main chacater.The nameless protagonist of the novel. The narrator is the “invisible man” of the title. A black man in 1930s America, the narrator considers himself invisible because people never see his true self beneath the roles that stereotype and racial prejudice compel him to play. Though the narrator is intelligent, deeply introspective, and highly gifted with language, the experiences that he relates demonstrate that he was naive in his youth. As the novel progresses, the narrator's illusions are gradually destroyed through his experiences as a student at college, as a worker at the Liberty Paints plant, and as a member of a political organization known as the Brotherhood. Shedding his blindness, he struggles to arrive at a conception of his identity that honors his complexity as an individual without sacrificing social responsibility. i guess i felt a little alike the character. I been through so much madness but i gain so much more. I know people can never figure me out or understand me like i do. I find it so easy to be like one with anyone then being my self. I try so hard to be this person that like you that i don't realise what is me. i don't know what i want because i see what you want and so i take it for mine. Now i know that my mother gave me hell but i still love her for all she done. Am glad not to be in a foster home or lost, am glad to be a strong dimplomatic person and am glad i grew this rebellious phase to become independent for myself. I know i can make it out for my self but i guess its much to early. ...............sorry am lost now because am piss again.