Anyday now

I learn something these last few days and its that you can't trust anyone cause once you open your self and they feel you cross them they won't a second go by to cut you. I can never see my self getting close to anyone cause am just gonna end up hurt anyway. I have my mom dropping low blows when ever she gets mad, I had my "ex" bestfriend try to use twisted up past on me and I even intrusted help just to find out the end result is the same and had a small talk with my ex that left a burn. Everyday I think so my self that with just a little more push I want to kill myself or someone who's hurt me. I can't deal with all these bullshit. I know now that very little people had my back or even respected me. I can I see my self with anyone if am so scared to trust them and just waiting until they use it against me. Yestertday I so badly wanted to check my self in a suicidal ward because so much drama happen this week. Just day after it got shitter and I end up setting my self up for the worst. I don't feel close to anyone not even my family. I can't keep holding on to people words as if its factual. All I can do now is pray to god to help me. I run from the very same things that will push me over the edge. To think I would feel happy if I had cancer or got hit by a car. To become a "an hero" because my week has been nothing but shit and am going to bed and waking up crying. I won't open up to my self to anyone. Having friends, family and a relationship just gonna break you anyday. Well that's all am getting off my chest with F#$%k anyone who enjoys abusing the shit out of my trust and emotions. Let there be a day where I dig up my own grave.