No more Rants, No more Hidding, No more Unsure

Last night i celebrated a little to much which lead to this morning headache(Note: i don't usually drink only for special occasions and with small amounts but that night i was alone so i guess i fell a bit off the track) . i still remember some of the things i converse with three friends. And i knew the different responses i'll will get.

The first she help me laugh up but also let me know we'll get out of things and we end with her "It's not the end of the world". One thing i like about her is she knows how a girl can be and she very sweet about, helping me see that its ok and due time i'll get the sweet part of life.

The second friend he's a bit different( he also have a blog that you can check out)he was giving me lame jokes which help me laugh and get off my alcoholic loathing.He reminded me that i should hang life weight and enjoy what i can. And i will definitely try and do that. I no longer want to feel negative when i should enjoy the positive. My emotions are what bring me down and so i will pick my self up and laugh it off.

The third friend he's a highly confident person but a good motivator. He reminded me that i have things going good so why trouble my self about my fears. He told me i need to try more harder and if sacrifices come make it don't cry about it. only issues we could agree on was relationship. (Its hard to explain to someone that are use to having a short relationship that when you had a great-long relationship and then it abruptly ended its never something you can over come. I had my first real relationship and i gave my all, after it crash all there was nothing more then the ever pain of a broken heart and great memories constantly reminding you that you don't have this anymore, you can't do this anymore, there's noone there to treat you like that again or make you want to live life to the funniest with someone. those same things eat away when it comes to my greatest or great progress in my road to my goal. when i thought about his relationships i realize he only done what he said girl problem doing. Having a good person date the jerk. If your reading this i thought about the girls you mention and honestly i don't think any of them was a good girl or put there all in it if it fell short. am not trying to prove that i can't get over but that its a long pain i have to deal with and recovery is a fragile process. you can say i may still love him and i need to get over it. But you won't know how to do so in my place. I constantly tell my heart to forget it and the pain will subside. You don't know how much this one feeling can do to a girl who don't stay on continuous relationships. it took me 5 years of no dating to recollect my self and 1 year to get over the person. to me comeing out of a relationship i had is like how my father left me. I can keep doing what i need to do but i can never get rid of a broken heart pain. It may be my fault for dating a "jerk" but i never saw that and that part i could care less about. But thank you thought for still showing me that i need to prove myself more if i need to get what i want. Oh and you wonder why i doubt so much on my wants never going through its because my want is to be in a relationship just as good as the last and have that affection i yearn for my whole life. getting out the house and jobs are only just steps for me, i'll do them but i know

My brother told me that men are in full control of there emotions because then gone through it enough to dealt with it. I may be in college and looking for a job but that doesnt me i got my game on track. Heart and mind are two different things I can keep my head forward and accomplish things physical but emotionally am unstable and negativity is what i always grew up with but i wont use that as an excuse i'll just try to keep being positive as long as i can.