:'( It hurts again and all i can do is pray

Its all back to me why does it hurt again? i want this buried and forgotten. I feel so stupid. Can someone just please tell me am Stupid and dumb. My heart and brain is just in two different places. my brain knows all and can deal with it but my heart is just so gullible and stupid. I want curl in to a corner and write poems and hear the lyrics that speak to me in repetition so i can dream freely with out any stakes to feel. I wanna be back at the hospital in the cool room laying on my bed with the yellow walls and the silence around and machines hum and i'll fall in to a deep slumber with out any thoughts and dream away. This is how i feel but i dont want to feel i just want nothing but my day dreams. Wishful thinking is my delay and life disappointments.


I was speaking to a guy and well here's how the convo go.
__________ (7:58:19 AM): i miss yu deadass
Cekococo (8:04:09 AM): why i dont understand?
Cekococo (8:04:30 AM): i dont get it what is it there to like about me why am i so interesting to you
Cekococo (8:05:49 AM): all i did was extend a hand and a cold shoulder. i dont deserve this and you show know better. there plently of girls i bet who would love your attention and affection. Am just not one of them.
Cekococo (8:06:23 AM): am nothing really, you dont know how i could mess you up or treat you like dirt or maybe in the end ill just get hurt.

Sigh i never thought i could be direct like that it werid how it came out so bluntly i wish i could take it back but its the truth!.

Part 2

Cekococo (8:08:23 AM): i still dont get whats interesting about me
Mi__________ (8:09:29 AM): everything
Cekococo (8:12:37 AM): i wish i could see that but i dont and probably never will and stop wassting your time. just go look for another girl plz!

I want this to stop. i don't want any guy save me or come close.

Green Me Alone