Poem letter..eehh

Old poem new ending the letter
Written in that green marker
Seko loves smexy
Smiles of taken pictures
Memories fly bye and time changes
Cradle in your arm
Cry on your shoulder, I look away but you pull me to face
Making me smile when the sun is down
Holding me tight when were alone in the dark
Caressing my soul and brighten my dream
I don’t want this to end not like a track or a video scene
Fun times and the joy I had
To be with you forever and end
I didn’t care about your background just who you are
A splitting mirror and a reverse personality
It’s a gray scene when I think of it
You would be in your pin stripe suit and am the girl you pull in close like a 1930s gangster movie
My fingers lock in your dreads
Recorded memories in my head
I want to give you my whole world and heal your scars
I was the angel and you was the dark
When we joke it was plans, just waiting to happen
To sore in to the sky with me holding your hand
Are talents alike so we connected
Are hearts entwine
So we were wrapped
My heart pump twice more when I see you
It was an illusion the problems I had
I was happy and smiled when near
I remember when we first met I talked about
You a lot when you never were there
I picked you up and you sat me on your lap
Two songs reminded me of you
Something about us and beautiful night mare
I would stare at you a lot
Just can’t believe, that am in your present and was so near
When am home I missed you a lot, always want to hear you even when you don’t want to
I remember how you ask how I feel
I remember I reply I feel safe with you
I remember my embarrassing times I had
You never cared or judge it was cute on your end
You would call me from your days of torment
And tell me my voice was that cope you need
And listening to you made me happy and wishing you near
I was never an object to you but something dear
I remember I told you with tears
To never let go no matter how far we go
I can remember our stories we would share
It was so cool to hear
I felt empower for myself, you was the boost I need
To unlock my greeness
I remember when I get worry you never fear
And so I didn’t cause there nothing to fear
I remember my first tears I turn away
You was so concern you kept checking at bay
When you did things for me it was the first kindness I had
I never thought in my life I could be so glad
When you showed me your family and friends
I was very shy; you didn’t care and wanted me to bond in your web
And when we argue it would be short, you was assure that it shouldn’t be more
And when we watch anime, we cuddle to a song to feel warm
And laugh at what we saw
And when you was inside me
I felt more your touch not my insides but my core
And never once you haven’t ask if I was ok
To be afraid of hurting me like a china glass in a case
And when you kiss me I was flavor, a taste so unique you said it could last forever
June17 I will always celebrate, it whether it’s with somebody or by my self
Not many people are happy with whom they gave it but I did
And when you was out with your friends or around your opposite gender, I felt number one to say they can’t have you because I was only yours
And when insults roll you saw them as jokes or me and my insecurities
And when your loved one passes away, I wanted to be there and hold your face to make the pain go and kiss that new scar away
Or when I was sick I wanted to keep you healthy by distancing myself
And when we hang I felt whole like a family story to be told
The title how I met your mother would call lol
I became more and grew with strength
I would brave the cold just to see you once more
I love the pictures we had they were great, I love to boast about you
With my friends, I never once had a negative thing to be said
I miss theses times when we profess our love
And laugh about a future we could hold
I would show the love while you was the hold
It made me think so far that it became my goal
…..but that was then and this is now
And my position is no longer a lover
Just a past and a distant friend
I can love you as I wanted too, I can’t be near you like I would
How I feel ashamed to still be attracted to you
My words are like glass and shards and you must never know
How much I've Iove you and the world you hold
So I write a new book and closed the old album
I can’t love my prince because it no more
So I like my friend and shouldn’t more
When I heard you were moving, I wanted to be that girl who boy going to battle and she sit by the window to leave the light on or when he comes home to her
When I heard you move on and a new love took place
I wanted to die but I said no point cause god kept me alive
Nothing more I fear was to feel… I never existed or I was never there
So I push to at least to be near, in case your heart breaks I can cradle the pain away
But all I did was annoyed you and look untrustworthy, I always push things to further then I should because I don’t know when to stop
The beautiful bond I work hard at lost
So I remember my words not to love me or come back for me
To sting back at such a time, echo in my mind
When I heard that you were trying, I felt lost
To see it can never happen with me so I’ve lost
So I rooted for the team, ignored home and know that you are happy
I told myself I can’t get hurt again but I know it will happen anyway
To have a open wounded and to root for you and your quest for love
Was the internal scar I gave to myself, to be a dedicated friend
Only to cut deep by displaying my self
I was stubborn and ignorant to believe
I could use my body or somebody to forget
The mess I made and all my regrets
I wrote 3 letters and 5 poems about you from day one to know I have
But 2 got deleted and burn they didn’t matter cause it can never turn
3 poems were lost full of love that can’t be return
This is one of them I remember I’ll just change the ending to feel better
I also had to end my plans of places, things to do and bigger steps for me and you
I guess I didn’t come out in time enough for you to see how dedicated I can be
So I can’t end with sadness that I mustn’t do
I feel so stupid to write this now to be kind of over you and my heart unbound
I hope to me someone like you one day just not with the shutting off and black days
I know that will be my true happiness, and then I can do the same things I love
And feel free again, just to be in someone arm and pray
Thank you for sharing your friend he had capture my heart a few time but my scar’s untied
I was honesty upset how you try to pass my heart to another, but at least he’d care and became a real friend
But since you guys were best friends I couldn’t feel trust, He deserve someone who loves him whole, not what was once yours. I know I cross my line but that was because I was still sad
So ill only hang for the ride and enjoy the time, who knows my hope will rise
As the day gets closer to you leaving I feel that it will be the last I heard from you or you’re freely
Am not sure when to give this to you or probably never, you wouldn’t care too so I’ll just leave it in memory space to be.
After we broke up I felt there was a another chance but I thought I can’t because it was never there
So I pour my heart out in tears wish you would hold me and wipe them away but it was still fresh
But I can’t say you’d care to do that now, I can’t say you would want to be my friend
Or ask me about my day… am just a person on a list to never be notice to what.
I am strong and brave I can face whatever my road is
Though I have a sad life it’s not enough to make me end just because I know I can get happy along the way
Maybe one day I’ll re-enter your life it maybe not be the wife I wish but maybe an aunty/god-mother, co-worker or a best friend 
Bye Harold I will miss you terribly am glad you can walk away a different person today at least I know you as that key in my life.
With love/Friendly care
Your niqua, angel, mango or whatever you called me LMAO Shaniqua
P.s. (Don’t stay in the dark, your better in the light) and thanks for opening up my eyes and helping me meet the coolest people you hang with. I know you won’t feel bad about anything and it’s not my intention. Treasure my drawings and this letter if you can (wait never mind your wifey wont like that lol). Oh and thanks for coming to my Graduation it was very important for you to see me happy and successful. ;) . The song playing in my head writing this poem was “Creep by radio head” I felt like creep because “Am a weirdo”. Oh yeah I learn something, I thought I could get over you and the relationship but I went about it the wrong way , a dear friend told me “you shouldn’t forget something as important as that, you accept it and move along keep hold and let it bring you joy on your rainy day”. So I won’t get rid of this just keep it as a momentum. See ya in the future again or not… oh that reminds me If you do see my mom can you shove it down her throat that am not yours it hurts how she keep putting things in my head that aren’t true.