It's my 30th

Hey its years later. I've just ended my 30th birthday and I feel depressed. Pouring my eyes out wonder if it safer to have stayed home and feel warm and buried in my blanket. Sometimes I just wish I was in another city or country. As the years passed I feel I haven't accomplished anything but just worked myself to the ground. The more I celebrated other people's birthday the more I felt insignificant about my own and its so easy to just hide behind smiles and laughter. I don't know what I was hoping for for my own birthday when I know I had no ambition to give my self one.i honestly d idnt think anything of it just to aviod feeling hurt about it.The constant reminder about its importance and lack of festivity just made me want to sink on that thought. But I did tell myself if I do one day have my own kids. I would never let them experience the loneliness I have endured for years. I'll give them what ever they ask for and show them the love and support I have for them. I won't hide it behind a computer on social media or text. I'll. Be creative and give them the surprise they never asked for.