It's my 30th

Hey its years later. I've just ended my 30th birthday and I feel depressed. Pouring my eyes out wonder if it safer to have stayed home and feel warm and buried in my blanket. Sometimes I just wish I was in another city or country. As the years passed I feel I haven't accomplished anything but just worked myself to the ground. The more I celebrated other people's birthday the more I felt insignificant about my own and its so easy to just hide behind smiles and laughter. I don't know what I was hoping for for my own birthday when I know I had no ambition to give my self one.i honestly d idnt think anything of it just to aviod feeling hurt about it.The constant reminder about its importance and lack of festivity just made me want to sink on that thought. But I did tell myself if I do one day have my own kids. I would never let them experience the loneliness I have endured for years. I'll give them what ever they ask for and show them the love and support I have for them. I won't hide it behind a computer on social media or text. I'll. Be creative and give them the surprise they never asked for.

Enjoy City Hunter on DramaFever!

Enjoy City Hunter on DramaFever!: Watch Free on DramaFever! Torn between his surrogate father's drive for vengeance and the girl whose courage and innocence touch him, Yoon Sung must fight to survive, and choose the path he will take.

Another Update

Hey everyone its me again....and i would like to update everyone on my life starting with

1.this is my last month at KRA and my graduation and both examination. good news I'll be working at kings county with a oral surgeon yay me bad new...i don't feel ready for my exam and lack of information.

2.next on my list i had a very sad day last week when i had to go to a funeral of a beloved family friend who was like a dear uncle to me Eric .V cumberbatch sadly had to go at the age of 32 he will always be remember. I remember when i went to his funeral i cried from beginning when i saw his peaceful expression to the end when i got to say my proper good bye.

3. Am having both friend and other relationship issues as i found out two of my close friends are dating and as much as i want to respect that it has taken me back i guess. Now am being invasive and being the only friend who is single as my other best friend has a boyfriend and spent all her time with him and school.

4.had to awkward moments when my ex wrote to me on facebook ... thats about it

5.I've decide to take up running for i could get rid of my stress, of course i find running hard but may if i keep doing it it will get better for me. no one say you start easy then go hard.

6.I've join this awesome Facebook called http://www.facebook.com/groups/167356353318572/ AMBWU (Asian Men Black Women United) its both a love and friendship gathering page i've met some pretty cool and hilarious people.

7. I've been having money difficulties since i have no job and its hard with my mom cause she feel am not doing anything so we do get in to some arguments. Her birthday is next week and she wants gifts and to help her with the bills. If only she knew how are am trying.

8. on my anime buzz am currently watching Tiger & bunny which i so love , Beelzebub and Stein gates. I finish watching kiss x sis ,Mahou Shoujo Modoka Magica and show that i haven't catch up is Sekion no qwaswer , Blade anime , X-men anime and etc if i forgot.

Well thats all folk Keeping it green 100%

I Can't...

Tell me why i shouldn't do anything stupid?

I feel like i've drop to that low point again. Tell me why i shouldn't do something that means losing everything. When it hurt so much you really don't care for anything or how it would affect others. As selfish as it may sound i want to be put out of my misery. I lost another friend, I've fail my probation period in college which means i flunk out of college, I live with a mom who loves to control me, and only hope is to gain every cent out of me until am no longer useful. I am questionable whether to trust someone i like and my job training is going under budget cuts which means including my pay. I am constantly stress and my hair fall out everyday. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to get out.

I want to leave my home but i have no money and am scared knowing what may happen. I really don't know what my support is anymore.Am not in control of my house and may never will be. There just going to be that someone or that something that just manage to bring me down to hell. They say a Pisces will do anything to escape reality and am in between am just don't want to wait to leave reality. I can't say that i love to live i really don't but i try and try everyday to have some faith or some hope that i can move on and take charge but...Slowly am losing faith...Slowly am doubting hope and Slowly i find more reason why i be better...Off.

Just give me a few stupid reason why i shouldn't be a [An hero] who's weak minded and can't even stand on her two feet.

Straight Line Stitch - "Conversion" OFFICIAL VIDEO

Something new to me

Am that Pisces with a heart of gold
A punk-rocker with a metal Fist
A crazy chick with a silly Twist
Am that bond you can not break
The laughter you can not shake
Am the innocents of a Lamb
to a Roar tigress with fangs


-Hey guys this is a snippet of what i have for my new profile from joining Ap( Afropunk.com) i feel at home there.

I'll update you on my next post on life. Ciao

What you are to me

Some poem that came to mind one day :)

someone: hmmm...what's the 1st thing that come to your mind when u think about me?

Me: hmmm .....teddy bear

Someone:...explain ?

Me: well i love to hold you and grope you,
i love having a conservation with you
i can talk all i want to you and you'll never object me,
you always lend a ear and make me feel safe
showing you'll always be near when i need you
i can tell you anything and laugh when you say silly things
you never change your personality
You never change your style
You can make my sad day better with just a laugh
When you stare at me i feel special
just being with you i forget where and when and who and how and why
And when am away am missing you
and at night i can cuddle with you
you fight with my cat and she's afraid of you
i can never feel rejected by you
and show you understand what more can i see then my teddy bear